


It's Better to Fade Out

by meredithhildebrand



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Heavy Angst, I Don't Even Know, I am so sorry, I'm Sorry, M/M, emotional wreck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2017-03-14
Packaged: 2018-10-04 18:40:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10286189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meredithhildebrand/pseuds/meredithhildebrand
Summary: Just another emotional, angsty thing that I decided to write. this one is from the perspective from Simon, mainly because I think that they both would've been messed up so of course they each deserved their own depressing monologue.If I'm being honest, I really think that Simon and Baz would've gone through hell of a lot worse crap to get where they want to be, relationship wise. So of course, I'm being that person who writes something more sad and depressing than the fluff that everyone loves so much.I just really think that they deserve something like this, because half the stuff I see on this site about fluff for Carry On just feels sort of  unrealistic, and i wanted to give them a more realistic ( at least in my mind) version of their ending.





	

SIMON

Simon isn’t as naïve is everyone thinks he is. In fact, he knows that he’s not that naïve at all. It’s hard to be naïve when you’ve spent half your life slaying dragons and having everything that was important to you being sliced in half by something that you know can never be replaced. 

Has Simon ever really had happiness?  
He thinks he has. He thinks that what whatever he had with Agatha was some form of happiness, because didn’t it have to be? He knows enough to know that if someone is unhappy in a relationship, they should leave it alone before they get snapped in half. 

Simon was too late.  
Not that late, but late enough to permanently dent whatever he had with her.  
Simon doesn’t regret anything that happened with Agatha. He did love her, he knows that.  
He just… didn’t think enough. But then again, he never really thought about anything.  
He didn’t have enough time. Enough time to mend things, not enough time to smooth things over and pretend that everything was alright. 

Simon wanted something different. he wasn't the same person that everyone thought he was.  
He didn't have enough desire, or enough want, to completely change what he thought was his destiny. 

He knows that no matter how much he wanted it, he could never change his fate.  
It wasn't that easy.

And then, 

Then there was Baz.  
If Simon had a choice, he would’ve never kissed Baz if he knew that this would be the repercussion. The Simon from fifth year, from seventh year, even from the beginning of eighth year, would’ve told him to get the hell out of there before he ruined anything. 

He knows that the reason why he didn’t back out was because that Simon had left; he had left a long time ago. Simon didn’t have that other piece of him to tell him to do anything, because Simon knows that he wouldn’t have listened.  
He did everything he could, even if everything wasn’t really that much at all. 

What he felt for Baz was a something that was made of flames; flames that burned bright, and flames that no matter what he did to fuse them, they would never fade out. 

It was too easy. It was too easy getting pulled into someone like Baz, who had an affect on him that could never be toned down or pushed aside. 

He went down screaming; he went down a hole that he knew could never find the bottom of. 

Simon couldn’t find a way out of there. No matter what he tried to do. He didn't really think that he could ever find a way out. If he did learn something from his life, it is that it actually is better to fade out than to stay somewhere where you are nothing but what people see when they look at you. 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading:)  
> I may be writing something happier in the future, so keep an eye out for that!


End file.
